JOKE#1:
Husband says to wife: "Honey, I have tell you something... I whacked off yesterday!"
Wife: "Come again?"
Husband: "Yes, twice!"

JOKE#2:
Doorman at nightclub: "Are you a member?"
Male patron: "No, but I got one!"
Girlfriend of male patron to doorman: "How much do you need to become one?"

JOKE#3:
Question: "How do you get rid of 5 million jews for free?"
Answer: "Send them on a train labelled one dollar sex education!"

BONUS LIMERICK:
Betty Spaghetti spread her legs for Meatball Freddie and said "Are you ready?"
Freddie said: "You gotta wait 'till I finish makin' noodles with Vera Vermicelli!"