Charlie Yuga, unofficial Rosecrucian Order approved Judas Priest warrior and official Golden Dawn sponsored crank user wins the 2001 "who can baptize the most hippies in heavy metal contest"... Jumpin' Jehovah! Below are the winning entries...

The Father, The Son And The Holy Ghost:
1. Aleister Crowley
2. David Bowie
3. Dr. Timothy Leary

"It looks just like bunny shit!"

"This blistering solar flare of thundering psychedelia will make any juiced up and freaking reptilian boogie and contract like a horny and evil old witchdoctor violently trancing out on magick blotter acid!"

"Summer poem for Ladie Arrowsmythe"

wet thine fleur de lys withe blood
thine poncey goose layeth eggs
hast thee met mine manservant sir
It raineth sweetmeats upon thee
-Charlie Yuga

Charlie Yuga, prize-winning Champion Undead Amphetamine Embalmer, thanks all past girlfriends who were great lovers, and hopes to win again some other time! Also thanks to The Grateful Dead, Bloomingdales, The Cannabis Cup, Glenn Danzig, generic brand Cola, The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown, 'The Good, The Bad & The Ugly', LSD, Israel Super Skrull freakouts, McDonald's Hamburger Restaurants, The Mekons, MTV Europe's Vanessa Warwick and Paul King, The Apocalypse, Armored Saint, The Showplace, The Rain Parade, The Norwegian Flag, Supergrass, Ron Tyner, Giant Sun Trolley, Head Chancellor Helmut Kohl, Captain Picard, Bruce Dickinson and Samantha Fox, rattlesnake bites, Tequila, Turboneger, Chaos UK, British Beef, Johnny Rotten, Borknagar, Beer, Marlboro cigarettes, and finally Adolf Hitler & his lovely Eva Braun - we salute you!)


"...wake up heads, freaks, drunks, punks, kids and derelict outlaw goths of Belanone and The Golden Dawn! Your very own naked, trashy and undead sister with the beautiful shaven crotch is spreading her legs like a slut and waiting without question because she is fucking ready for some of you and your lovin' hussey highness, daddy-o! She is fucking ready, stoned, horny, free and in love...! Your woman is stoned, horny, free and in love, getting smacked up at age 15 like an idiot just for you and your sorry ass spikes and leather speedfreak Nazarene self because the name is Rob Halford..."

"...your name is Rob Halford senior appearing as Iggy Pop and Peter Hammill... as Chrome bassist Hilary Stench laying around in garages as a dead punk, Gwar's Oderus Urungus and Balsac The Jaws of Death, as a youthful Bon Scott, as Axl Rose and Slash, as SS militia mohawk warrior Blacky from Voivod, as a crazy John Bonham collapsing behind his drumkit, as Dave Anderson and Simon King from Hawkwind, Johan Edlund of Tiamat, Dave Vanian and Captain Sensible of The Damned, an angry and desperate Bob Mould and Husker Du belting out the apocalypse and a ton of military installatons all over NATO, Steve Hillage as Allah saluting the swastika in full nazi regalia, Devo, The Circle Jerks, a dying Edward Ka-Spel in the cancer ward, Johnny Rotten giving punks the finger in a hail of fucking spittle, the clinically suicidal Ian Curtis playing with a live noose for a final time, John Leckie as Elvis, Phil Collins on crack, the Subhumans, the guy in Cathedral, Gary Ramon blowing somebody's head off with a wah-wah, Jello Biafra in a Harley t-shirt, Larry Wallis' awesome mid 70's 'Live And Unreleased' stint with the Pink Fairies, half the members of Entombed, Andrew Eldritch, The Dictators ca. "Manifest Destiny" and "Blood Brothers", Roky Erickson, Bon Lozaga, Terence Stamp, Captain Jesus And The Sunray Dream, Larry from The Mooseheart Faith, Morgoth, Gong, Alex Morgon of T.S.O.L., Batman and Robin, H.R. Giger, Renate Knaup, Kurt Vonnegut, Vince Crane, or just fucking dead uncle fucking Dracula, the jehovah, fucking Satan, or whomever you may still fucking be, loverboy... we love you..."
-Hare Charlie Krsna Yuga, 2001-2002 A.D.

"still teaching goths how to take apart and reassemble machine guns in the 21st century"